It's been awhile since my last post. This week has been really rough week. The fatigue has taken every once of energy i stored up right before my last treatment. It is only today, the 10th day after treatment, that I am beginning to feel alive again. On top of the fatigue, I've been dealing with the adverse reactions of two my meds. My hands are bright red, itchy and swollen. They look so incredibly ugly.
Despite the week that I just experienced, I will continue to focus on the positive. We are approx 33% done and with my next treatment I will be half way there. I will be done before Christmas, my Tori's birthday and Nick's 40th. These are all wonderful things to look forward to and to celebrate.
I know this one is short but my hands hurt and I can't type. Maybe tomorrow will be a little better.
One last note.....without God, I would have nothing. He will pull me through. The love of my husband keeps me going everyday and the love for my daughters Haylee and Tori keep me motivated to be the strong female role model that I want them to admire.
Keeping the Faith and remembering that I am truly blessed.
Friday, September 26, 2014
Friday, September 12, 2014
Bald and Feeling Beautiful
As most of you saw yesterday, I posted a picture of my bald husband with my bald self. I am overwhelmed by the response to my photo and I am truly grateful for the positive comments. I have to admit that I was really nervous to do it but I am glad my husband convinced me to. All the beautiful words will give me that extra something I am going to need going into next weeks treatment. I felt so much genuine love yesterday that I almost want to shave my head more often...lol
I feel GREAT today (normal fatigue) and looking forward to a relaxing weekend. Tori will be attending the One Direction Concert with my amazing sister Jeanne. We had planned this almost a year ago and now I am unable to attend because of the circumstances. It makes me a little sad because although I know it would have driven me crazy to be around all those screaming young girls, I would have loved to see Tori and Grace screaming with excitement at the concert. Thank you Jeanne for coming to the rescue and fulfilling Tori's dream.
On a sadder note....My thoughts and prayers go out to the Nelson Family. They lost their grandma Nel this morning. Dick and Marge are like another set of parents for me and I love them dearly. My heart goes out to Dick for the loss of his mom. Much love to the Nelson Family.
BTW....I love you Mom. Without you and the Faith and love for God you instilled in me my entire life, I would not have the strength to deal with my current reality.
Keeping the Faith and remembering that I am truly blessed.
I feel GREAT today (normal fatigue) and looking forward to a relaxing weekend. Tori will be attending the One Direction Concert with my amazing sister Jeanne. We had planned this almost a year ago and now I am unable to attend because of the circumstances. It makes me a little sad because although I know it would have driven me crazy to be around all those screaming young girls, I would have loved to see Tori and Grace screaming with excitement at the concert. Thank you Jeanne for coming to the rescue and fulfilling Tori's dream.
On a sadder note....My thoughts and prayers go out to the Nelson Family. They lost their grandma Nel this morning. Dick and Marge are like another set of parents for me and I love them dearly. My heart goes out to Dick for the loss of his mom. Much love to the Nelson Family.
BTW....I love you Mom. Without you and the Faith and love for God you instilled in me my entire life, I would not have the strength to deal with my current reality.
Keeping the Faith and remembering that I am truly blessed.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
My Week to Breathe
Finally, a week where I don't feel like the world is coming to an end. I was told that this time would come...I would start to feel great (well...better) and then BAM, they hit you again. I am cherishing every minute of a semi-calm tummy. I have discovered something though, during this past hell week...Mauricio's (San Dimas) Caldo de Polo with added rice is my Saving Grace and will be my go to meal from now on. It's my miracle soup.
This morning I took my usual shower and when I went to comb my hair it literally ALL starting falling out, so I cut it off. There is still a little on my head because I didn't have the heart to take it all but most of it is gone. I tied a scarf around my head, wiped the tears from my eyes, and added some earrings thinking people would focus on those and not the fact that I look like I'm channeling my Czechoslovakian Ancestors. I look like my Grandma but I adored her so that's okay because I feel as if she is with me.
I have been so blessed to have so many people pitch in and help me through this very difficult time. For this, I am forever grateful. I will continue to try to find the beauty in my days despite the harsh reality and by focusing on the love that I have received, it makes it that much easier. Please continue to pray for not only me but my family as well and all others feeling the pain of Cancer.
Keeping the Faith and remembering that I am truly blessed. I love you all.
This morning I took my usual shower and when I went to comb my hair it literally ALL starting falling out, so I cut it off. There is still a little on my head because I didn't have the heart to take it all but most of it is gone. I tied a scarf around my head, wiped the tears from my eyes, and added some earrings thinking people would focus on those and not the fact that I look like I'm channeling my Czechoslovakian Ancestors. I look like my Grandma but I adored her so that's okay because I feel as if she is with me.
I have been so blessed to have so many people pitch in and help me through this very difficult time. For this, I am forever grateful. I will continue to try to find the beauty in my days despite the harsh reality and by focusing on the love that I have received, it makes it that much easier. Please continue to pray for not only me but my family as well and all others feeling the pain of Cancer.
Keeping the Faith and remembering that I am truly blessed. I love you all.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
My Hell Week
This past week has been hell. I have to eat regularly or else my stomach gets upset but nothing tastes good and everything smells weird.I don't know what to eat but apparently I need to eat it frequently or my stomach yells at me.
I am so incredibly tired all the time and my joints ache. The nausea is (finally) mild but now the diarrhea has set in so I Have to deal with cramping and midnight trips to to bathroom. I feel like I am falling apart....mentally....emotionally....physically.
I find myself breaking down in tears for everything. I just want to curl up in a ball on my couch and sleep for the next four months. I wish it was all a bad dream but unfortunately it is my reality.
My scalp has been burning so I know its only a matter of time before my hair is gone. Why does society place so much emphasis on hair? I fear that my husband will not like what he sees when the hair falls out and it's weighing heavy on my heart.
Thats all for now.....I'm tired
I am so incredibly tired all the time and my joints ache. The nausea is (finally) mild but now the diarrhea has set in so I Have to deal with cramping and midnight trips to to bathroom. I feel like I am falling apart....mentally....emotionally....physically.
I find myself breaking down in tears for everything. I just want to curl up in a ball on my couch and sleep for the next four months. I wish it was all a bad dream but unfortunately it is my reality.
My scalp has been burning so I know its only a matter of time before my hair is gone. Why does society place so much emphasis on hair? I fear that my husband will not like what he sees when the hair falls out and it's weighing heavy on my heart.
Thats all for now.....I'm tired
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