I Need to Focus on the Positive

Good Friday Morning to you all...

I have to admit, I haven't been writing much lately because I am sick of thinking about having Cancer but I have to really start focusing on the positives and see myself crossing the finish line.

Treatments and recovery have gotten more difficult as time has progressed but that was to be expected.  Having had Hodgkin's in my twenties,  chemo has weakened certain parts of my organs and they can't take as much as they used to. My oncologist wants to have my heart checked again because I am showing signs of congestive heart failure. That freaked me out at first but after reading up on it, all it means is that my heart is working a little harder than it should. This explains why I'm tired all the time and have difficulty breathing at times.

I am so very thankful for my job and the support that they have given me. My boss (Msgr) gathered the entire staff and my husband and gave me an anointing. It was quite touching to have everyone there and pray together.  I've also been told that Msgr mentions my name at all the Masses and that makes me very happy. You can't beat the power of prayer.

Today is my beautiful sister Jeanne's birthday. Happy Birthday Jeanne!!! Hope your day is wonderful. I wish I could share a glass (bottle) of wine with you but unfortunately the vino would not agree with me at this time but I plan on being around for a very long time so we will have many more birthdays to come.

My next treatment is scheduled for Wednesday, October 29 (#4) but that could change depending on whether or not I need to get the heart testing done before that. The first available appointment at the cardiologist is not until Nov. 6. I will keep you posted.

Until next time...keeping the faith and remembering I am truly blessed.

Feeling Lost

I guess I should be excited that I am half way done but I can't help but look at the situation that I have the do the first half all over again and it's getting harder. My body is getting weaker everyday and my spirits are really at an all time low. 

I've been called an inspiration to many people but if those people saw me today, curled up in my bathrobe on the couch, sobbing while I am writing this blog, they would call me less than inspirational.

I'm so tired or being sick and a burden to my family. I'm so tired of my huge painful hands dues to negative affect of the meds. I'm so tired of not bring able to eat normal food and have it taste good. In essence...I'm just plain tired.

Will my life ever be normal again? Right now I can't see it and it scares me. I usually have it all together but I feel as if I am falling apart.

I guess that's all my venting for tonight. Please keep me in your prayers and I will continue to trust in God and his plan.

The Glass is Almost Half Empty

It's been awhile since my last blog but I guess a part of me doesn't want to think about what I'm going through on my recovery time. I like to clear my mind of everything that I am going through and pretend it doesn't exit. Unfortunately, writing a blog reminds me of what has previously transpired and what is to come. I understand it is a tool to keep others informed and I guess if it helps others understand what I am going through, that's what matters.

I have to be honest...the only thing that inspired me to write today's blog was my nephew Nathaniel. I saw the news segment on his journey and was completely moved by his determination. It literally brings tears to my eyes to see him on his journey and I know that if he can walk clear across the U.S., I can certainly get through the next 5 months. If you haven't had a chance to read his blogs, please do so at natewalks.com. He will inspire and amaze you.

Tomorrow will mark infusion #3 and in this case, having the glass half empty is a great thing. I already have a bit of anxiety regarding tomorrow. I'm sick of having poison injected into my body. As the sessions progress, I find myself losing more and more energy. It's getting harder to bounce back  and the emotional roller coaster that my hormones have been on is ridiculous.

In spite of it all, I will remain optimistic. The outpouring of support has been tremendous and has made my journey more tolerable. I hesitate in mentioning anyone by name because I don't want to leave anyone out but you all know who you are. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Until next time...Thank you God for giving me another day (one day at a time). I am truly blessed. :)