Finally, I Can Think

It's been awhile since my last post. This week has been really rough week. The fatigue has taken every once of energy i stored up right before my last treatment. It is only today, the 10th day after treatment, that I am beginning to feel alive again. On top of the fatigue, I've been dealing with the adverse reactions of two my meds. My hands are bright red, itchy and swollen. They look so incredibly ugly.

Despite the week that I just experienced, I will continue to focus on the positive. We are approx 33% done and with my next treatment I will be half way there. I will be done before Christmas, my Tori's birthday and Nick's 40th. These are all wonderful things to look forward to and to celebrate.

I know this one is short but my hands hurt and I can't type. Maybe tomorrow will be a little better.

One last note.....without God, I would have nothing. He will pull me through. The love of my husband keeps me going everyday and the love for my daughters Haylee and Tori keep me motivated to be the strong female role model that I want them to admire. 

Keeping the Faith and remembering that I am truly blessed.

Bald and Feeling Beautiful

As most of you saw yesterday, I posted a picture of my bald husband with my bald self. I am overwhelmed by the response to my photo and I am truly grateful for the positive comments. I have to admit that I was really nervous to do it but I am glad my husband convinced me to. All the beautiful words will give me that extra something I am going to need going into next weeks treatment. I felt so much genuine love yesterday that I almost want to shave my head  more often...lol

I feel GREAT today (normal fatigue) and looking forward to a relaxing weekend. Tori will be attending the One Direction Concert with my amazing sister Jeanne. We had planned this almost a year ago and now I am unable to attend because of the circumstances. It makes me a little sad because although I know it would have driven me crazy to be around all those screaming young girls, I would have loved to see Tori and Grace screaming with excitement at the concert. Thank you Jeanne for coming to the rescue and fulfilling Tori's dream.

On a sadder note....My thoughts and prayers go out to the Nelson Family. They lost their grandma Nel this morning.  Dick and Marge are like another set of parents for me and I love them dearly. My heart goes out to Dick for the loss of his mom. Much love to the Nelson Family.

BTW....I love you Mom. Without you and the Faith and love for God you instilled in me my entire life, I would not have the strength to deal with my current reality.

Keeping the Faith and remembering that I am truly blessed.

My Week to Breathe

Finally, a week where I don't feel like the world is coming to an end. I was told that this time would come...I would start to feel great (well...better) and then BAM, they hit you again. I am cherishing every minute of a semi-calm tummy. I have discovered something though, during this past hell week...Mauricio's (San Dimas) Caldo de Polo with added rice is my Saving Grace and will be my go to meal from now on. It's my miracle soup.

This morning I took my usual shower and when I went to comb my hair it literally ALL starting falling out, so I cut it off. There is still a little on my head because I didn't have the heart to take it all but most of it is gone. I tied a scarf around my head, wiped the tears from my eyes, and added some earrings thinking people would focus on those and not the fact that I look like I'm channeling my Czechoslovakian Ancestors. I look like my Grandma but I adored her so that's okay because I feel as if she is with me.

I have been so blessed to have so many people pitch in and help me through this very difficult time. For this, I am forever grateful. I will continue to try to find the beauty in my days despite the harsh reality and by focusing on the love that I have received, it makes it that much easier. Please continue to pray for not only me but my family as well  and all others feeling the pain of Cancer.

Keeping the Faith and remembering that I am truly blessed. I love you all.

My Hell Week

This past week has been hell. I have to eat regularly or else my stomach gets upset but nothing tastes good and everything smells weird.I don't know what to eat but apparently I need to eat it frequently or my stomach yells at me.

 I am so incredibly tired all the time and my joints ache. The nausea is (finally) mild but now the diarrhea has set in so I Have to deal with cramping and midnight trips to to bathroom. I feel like I am falling apart....mentally....emotionally....physically.

I find myself breaking down in tears for everything. I just want to curl up in a ball on my couch and sleep for the next four months. I wish it was all a bad dream but unfortunately it is my reality.

My scalp has been burning so I know its only a matter of time before my hair is gone. Why does society place so much emphasis on hair? I fear that my husband will not like what he sees when the hair falls out and it's weighing heavy on my heart.

Thats all for now.....I'm tired

Back to Work

I have decided that today is the day that I go back to work but I find myself sitting here at the computer not knowing where to begin (so I thought I would blog). The coffee is brewing in the next room ....I can hear it...I can smell it....but I cant have it. It may upset my tummy. That makes me sad because I love my morning cup.

MY husband is at work too and that makes me sad because I want him with me all the time. He has been my rock and holding my hand through all of this and it's so scary when he is not around. Don't get me wrong, I know I can do this, it just so comforting to have him around.

Today I feel light headed, a little nauseous but so far no vomiting or diarrhea. The hair is still intact but I'm sure we wont have long on that. I give it about 7 more day and the clumps will start falling. I told Nick last night that it going to be like Desi Arnez and Fred Mertz sleeping in the same bed. He laughed a minute and then probably didn't think it was so funny.

My sister Rachel brought us dinner last night. So very sweet and thoughtful. Its hard when I'm the one that usually puts dinner together and suddenly we have to come up with a new plan. Rachel...the dinner was amazing and we are so very grateful.

MY final shout out of the day goes to CANDY who went out of her way to come over and give me one of my injections to improve my white cells. I couldn't get myself to self inject and Nick couldn't do it so Candy to the rescue.

Oh well...that's it for now. Going to go back to staring at my computer screen for the next few hours.

Keeping the faith and remembering I am truly blessed....Love you all.

The Day After

Well...it's the morning after and I can enthusiastically report that I slept through the night without any issues. I'm just hoping that this isn't the calm before the storm. I know the hair will go and that will be a little hard to take but if the rest can be calmed by medication, I'm perfectly fine with that. So different from 20 years ago. my only complaint is that I'm really weak and tired. Sounds like a normal day for me. ;)

The support from family and friends has been overwhelming and I am so appreciative. I am the type of person that never wants to take advantage of anyone but I guess if they didn't want to help, they wouldn't offer. I need to learn to let go a little.

A big shout out to the nurses at Wilshire Oncology. They made me feel so comfortable and at home. Its a sucky situation that has been made comfortable in a loving environment. This is a blessing.

Keeping the faith.....remembering that I am truly blessed.... love you all (especially Haylee and Tori :)  )

ROUND ONE.....in the books.  Spent six hours (10:30am to 4:30pm) in the chair today. Nice, semi-comfortable recliner and received 4 different bad drugs along with 2 nausea meds, fluids to stay hydrated and Benadryl. I feel good all things considered. However, I am extremely tired and weak. My legs feel like jello and it was a little difficult getting up the stairs to comfy home. I am so glad to be home and listening to Tori sing in the shower. It's music to my ears. Nick spent all day with me and it was such a great comfort to have him there with me. That's it for now. I'm tired.

Keeping the Faith and focusing on my blessings. Love you all